Marriage - The Woman's Perspective

Hi!  This is Julie.  I am wondering how in the world I’m going to follow up on Frank’s insightful blog.  I’ve decided it would be helpful if I shared with you what was going on inside of me during our time of marital conflict.  So, here goes!


Did Frank forget to mention our breakdown in communication happened while we were on our way to a church function?  Oh yeah!  It was the softball game when the two Decibel teams played each other.  Don’t you hate it when that happens?  So here I am, feeling all prickly towards my husband, and surrounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ, in what is supposed to be a festive atmosphere.  And I feel like Yuk!  Although I felt pretty stuck in being upset, I am conscious of what a great waste of time this is, but, I don’t do much to make things right.  In fact, my fuse is so short, that anything Frank does or doesn’t do, digs a deeper hole for us.  So, that night was blown, wasted, and in the recesses of my angry mind, I had made a pact with myself…that we’d never have sex again!  Can I get a witness?


The next day goes by in a blur.  I don’t actually remember everything, except the chill in the air was evident.  I call it “dirty fighting” when I step back from relating to Frank.  I put a wall of protection around me that pretty much says, “Stay away, I am not relating to you.”  Punishment is what it is.


It was on the following day, during our separate Bible studies, when praise The Lord, we were being ministered to by The Holy Spirit, that I read about “Peace”.  God said that I needed to make every effort towards peace.  Gotcha!  In Romans, He said I should please my neighbor for his good and build him up.  I’m thinking “Are You talking to me God?”  Do you know what happened then?  My hard heart began to soften like ice cream on a Beaufort summer day.  I was reminded that Frank is my closest neighbor.  Then I went on to read something like a prayer - I imagined His Hand upon my head saying, “May the God who gives you endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father our Lord Jesus Christ.”  As I continued reading, “Accept one another, just as Christ accepted you.” Pow! Bam! His Word spoke right to me, and blew His Spirit into my being, and began to change my heart right there on the spot!  But how do I do this?  I was stuck!


Then His Word sealed the deal for me when I concluded my reading, “Trust in Him…then you will be filled with all joy and peace so that you may overflow with hope by the power of The Holy Spirit.”  I realized once again that I can’t do it on my own.  My “flesh” gets in the way a lot.  It’s The Supernatural Power under which I need to sway, give way, and bow.  It’s actually not to Frank.  Frank is the beneficiary of my humbleness to God Himself.  I behave in a way that is pleasing to God first, and then I will be able to live a better life with my husband, with less wasted time (aka less “dirty fighting”).


Frank was simultaneously hearing The Word of The Lord for himself (please check out last months blog) and we both came away from our Bible studies heading towards making up from two days of separation.  Apologies were exchanged, hurt feeling began to heal, and there was a renewed hope that the pact I had made with myself in anger would be erased!


I am so grateful that I have a regular time to put my head, heart, and spirit into God’s Word.  How else could God take a hard-hearted woman and soften it day after day after day?  Gosh, how I need Jesus!


How about you?  Today is the day that you too can have the same Supernatural Power in your marriage, and in your life.  Start or restart by reading His Word today.  The benefits are miraculous!

-Julie Koehn